I don’t know why I feel like I should be doing something.
It’s about 4:00 PM. I’m staring out the window and thinking of what to do to pass the time.
So, earlier this morning, I had planned to complete two tasks and I did them with lots of time to spare. I have since taken a nap, checked my social media, replied to my messages, moisturized my hair, ate, made a purchase, and watched two YouTube videos. The first was on how to make travel videos for beginners – Pascal Basel. The second one was on how to shoot smartphone b-roll for beginners – Learn Online Videos. If you are looking to make videos or B-roll your cup of tea, then you should check them out.
I have mentioned before how much I love to explore creativity in various ways. Videography and cinematography are both interesting topics that involve creativity and imagination, and I absolutely love them. Plus, they are in the same family as photography. They are all one big happy family. Lol.
Okay, back to talking about why I feel like I should be doing something.
What Does A Hero do?
In the movies, a hero fights villains non-stop, or else bad things will happen (in summary). Or a hero is someone who is trying to get something but there are obstacles in her way that she has to remove overcome.
And let me say that this is exactly what life is all about. A daily struggle to be happy as individuals and in our relationships, to find purpose, make money, and try to stop bad things from happening to us and the people we love, to the best of our abilities. In other words, an emotional roller-coaster.
And so the hero is constantly trying to do something. There’s always a goal to achieve, a fight to win, or a choice to make.
Is life only about trying to get rid of all the villains
I recently watched Spider-man: No Way Home and it was gut-wrenching. My emotions were all over the place. Heroes don’t get it easy at all. It’s hard being a hero.
I can tell you now that last week was a tough one for me. When I was discussing it with my friend U’, he said that most times we are the ones that put ourselves in positions that leave us overwhelmed. And when we start to feel overwhelmed we end up not doing the things that are the most important to us. The things that we should prioritize first. You can check out James Clear’s newsletter from the same week which expanded on this.
I have to do this, and I have to do that – me all day, every day.
As you can recall, I’m sitting down by the window. My feet are resting on top of the sewing machine, and I’m the picture of relaxation. I have ‘free time,’ to chill and do absolutely nothing, but all I can think of is that I should be working instead. Is it not insane? I mean is that all there is about life? Work till you drop from exhaustion, or till you see the heavenly gates?
Even when I don’t want to do it, my brain keeps chanting all the number of things I should do. Like I could write a journal entry (I did say that I would do more journaling this month to practice more storytelling.)
My inner annoying critic: clears throat.
Me: Save it…
My inner annoying critic: You have not been journaling.
Me: sighs. I haven’t been journaling…as much as I should.
My inner annoying critic: You said that this one would be different.
Me: I say a lot of things. Besides, this is different…
My inner annoying critic: Is it?
Me: inserts earplugs
Who is a hero?
Everybody is a hero in their story.
Earlier I talked about how heroes in movies are constantly battling to stop bad things from happening. Well, in real life, some of the villains we fight are anxiety, fear, loneliness, self-doubt, depression, bills, more bills, sickness, and so on. We fight to find the kind of love we deserve, build a life for ourselves, have good health, prove our worth, and get up in a world that keeps pushing us down.
As heroes, we fight to survive and protect the ones we love. And I know that the reason I can’t shut down my Spidey-senses is that it lets me know to do a flying monkey leap, whenever danger is near. But what my experience last week taught me was that fighting too many battles at the same time may cost me to lose everything.
While some people have the superpower to do a whole lot of things at the same time under tremendous pressure, and still come out on top of it like the badass that they are, others like me can’t. It is not my superpower to juggle everything without ruining something.
There’s No Such Thing As A Perfect Hero
In Everything Everywhere All At Once – EEAAO, Evelyn Wang (played by Michelle Yeoh) is a middle-aged woman that has to save the multiverse while trying to reconnect with the people she loves – her husband (Ke Huy Quan) and daughter (Stephanie Tsu). The duo directors/writers, Daniels, are the ones that take credit for what is being celebrated as a masterpiece – if the internet is to be believed. This movie delivers a confusion that grows on you like English ivy – wraps you up so fast and so tight that you are left wondering, ‘what the heck just happened.’ I have only watched the trailer, various clips, and about a ton of interviews with the cast and directors/writers, read comments, and it promises to be mind-blowing.
It’s only showing in the theatres and this homebody (that’s me) will go out of the house (how shocking!) to watch it. I figured it should be worth sitting down in a dark room surrounded by strangers. Isn’t it just the perfect place to hide a body? You’ve never thought of it? Of course, we can all agree that I live for the drama.
Somedays I feel like Evelyn, a-hero-that-has-no-idea-what-she-is-doing. And sometimes I feel like Peter Parker in Spider-man: No Way Home, a-hero-that-think-he-knows-what-he-is-doing-but-gets-it-wrong-almost-everytime.
I’m willing to take the risk to see Everything Everywhere All At Once. I feel like I can relate to the chaos that it brings to the table. As well as the story which captivates the complexities of human relationships and how we all just want to win this race called life. And to have somebody in our corner, rooting for us; loving and watching over us. We are either fighting for something or for someone.
One Villain At A time
The good news is, that no matter what level you are at right now, there’s room for improvement. It will surely come in time if you have the mindset and work towards it. I’ve started to schedule two tasks that I have to complete in a day. That’s fighting two villains a day. Whatever comes after is not planned. And the last couple of days have seen me less anxious and more productive.
Having priorities is not a common practice for me. I’m more of an in-the-moment-kinda-gal. It means that when my Spidey senses start to tingle, I jump off the building with the bare bones of a contingency plan. I could be jumping into a fire or shark infested-waters. I’ve been considering that it’s either an adrenaline rush or neurosis.
Last week I felt like exploding. I had a thousand things I wanted to do, all at once. And my Spidey senses were tingling just so. This is not jumping off one building. It’s different versions of myself jumping off thousands of buildings.
I may have exaggerated a bit, but really it was a tough time for me. And do you know the craziest thing? It made it so hard for me to focus on one thing.
Imagine that you schedule all the villains you want to fight in a day. And in that same day, you put all of the villains you’ve started but have not finished off. If you are like me, at this point, you’re having a panic attack. Before, I would be out of my mind with worry. But today I just scheduled two tasks and I’m done with them. So, even though I’m sitting by the window doing nothing, I know now that it’s okay to be here. Now I see it as recovering, even if my brain keeps nagging me. Even heroes in the movies need time to recover from their fights.
You Are A Hero
I hope you are also able to identify your superpower (strength) and use it for the greater good – for yourself and for those around you. Allow the people that love you – and you love right back – to take care of you just like you’d want to take care of them too (I’m still learning to do this). Because we are all heroes, and there are infinite possibilities in this universe, and in all the multiverse. Life is not perfect, but as the hero of your story, I hope that you kick ass.
Day #9 of My Journal Series
- Left BehindThe abandoned church stood like a man awaiting trial.
- How To Live Like A HeroAnd the pressure keeps growing and growing and growing until you feel like you are moments away from exploding.
- The Story of How I Met Mo-IsuThe apparition introduced himself as Mo.
- Saturdays Are For WeddingsIt is an unspoken rule that Saturdays are for weddings in Nigeria.
- On How To Tell Stories Of HopeI didn’t think it was possible after all the time I spent wandering and searching for anybody who could understand me, or even see me.