Tips On How To Manage Anger

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger. (Ephesians 4: 26 – 31) English Standard Version.

I said I would let everyone know how I deal with anger in my last post for Thursday Talk Series. Let me make it clear that there is no universal code for dealing with anger. I might be wrong and there is one, please don’t hesitate to share with me.

What I’ll be discussing today is what anger is and tips on how to manage anger.

What is Anger?

Anger is our natural response as humans to perceived threats. It’s a normal emotion. When you get angry, your body shows symptoms like increased blood pressure, muscle tension, irritability, rage, and stress.

There are various reasons why you can get angry. These are your triggers and it is not the same for everyone.

• You get angry when things do not go as planned. For instance, an event was scheduled for 10 am but it didn’t start until 11:45 am.

• When you are wronged. Those times when you get into a fight with your sibling, and your parents take their side without consulting your side of the story.

There are other instances, like having unwelcomed memories, a tragic occurrence, when you are in pain, depressed, or worried.

So anger is not a “bad thing”

Yes! What is important is how you manage your anger.

Why?

Anger can be a force for good. It can motivate you to make a positive decision. It can also bolster your confidence to speak up for yourself or take a stand. However, if you are not careful, anger can be unhealthy and destructive. It can be toxic to you and your relationships.

Tips on how to manage anger

Know your triggers

If you don’t already know your triggers, you are wrong. If you see a storm brewing, you can either avoid it or brace yourself for impact. That is why a lot of people say, “I don’t know what came over me,” but it’s already too late. Knowing your triggers helps you to be prepared for various situations. I’m a big fan of self-reflection and it is one way I use to understand my emotions.

Walk Away

I cannot begin to tell you the number of times I have pulled the plug on my anger by removing myself physically from the place. If it’s an argument that is going nowhere, I walk away. If I find myself wishing to act violently, I walk away. I need a time-out before things escalate.

Breathe

I don’t know the science of it but it works. I close my eyes and take deep breaths. Each breath drives away the fog of anger that sits heavy on me and helps me gain clarity.

Talk it out

Sometimes, all it takes is to reason with yourself or with the other party. You do not want destructive anger churning in your gut, so always try to find ways to avoid it. Talk about why you got angry. Apologize if you are at fault. Forgive the other person if they apologize. Move on from the entire thing if possible. Let it go.

Tips on how to manage anger

What is important is to find a system that helps you manage your anger so that it is not destructive. Remember, choose good vibes always.

Let me know how you manage your anger in the comments.

Bye!✌️🏾

My latest wallpaper for the holidays

Thursday Talk Series on Tobe’s Life and Work As a Photographer

Rigozo

I saw a Bollywood movie yesterday and as always their storyline is intriguing, and the acting was superb and hilarious. The name is A Magical Love Story, and it’s about love, family, fate, curses, deceit, and magic. We know real-life is not the same as a screenplay but we do all we can each day to find happiness. There is no substitute for trying again and again. Sometimes life is to be enjoyed and other times it picks you up, does a little spin, and sets you down. You can be sure that it will take a while before you will be able to find your balance – you will eventually find it. Let have this in mind, “Nature has given us all the pieces required to achieve exceptional wellness and health, but has left it to us to put these pieces together.”—Diane McLaren. Whether you believe that love/life is magical, it’s up to you to write your own story.

Today I’m introducing Tobe and I’ve found him to be one of those people (rare) who are completely honest with themselves. This makes him able to interpret his feelings without trying to convince himself otherwise. He pays attention to details, especially in his work, and always tries to find a balance between business and personal life – to the best of his ability. In his relationship with people, he is understanding and reliable, makes amazing connections (he always knows a guy). I can’t remember our first meeting but we’ve had several easy and open-minded conversations. That said, he’s the first to start conversations with people – he still hasn’t realized that he has an amazing gift of relating with people – even strangers. He is a goal-getter and an exceptional manager, and when it comes to having fun he gets into the mood 100%.

Trivia on Tobe

- A foodie

- Loves to dance

- An Arsenal fan

Q. Can you introduce yourself and what you do?

A. My name is Tobenna Afamefuna Nnamdi Amechi. Yes, I do not have an English name and for a while, I didn’t like it. However, today I am proud of my Igbo names because each of them has specific meanings which are relevant to life and living. I am a photographer and I run a photography business in Lagos, Nigeria.

Tobenna Amechi

Q. Why do you do your job, and would you rather do something else?

I started the business because it was a skill I had and I needed to make money while waiting to get full-time employment. I wasn’t also so bombed with the idea of working for someone except for having the idea of ‘corporate work’ at the time and being responsible. Over time, the reasons for being in business have grown from money-making and now emotional and core business principles. At some point, I just wanted to make money, other times I just wanted to be happy. There was a period it was powered by how people felt when they got served by my business. Now all of those things have faded, and I am more interested in building a business that solves clients’ problems while meeting the needs of the individuals offering the service. There are days in the cause of running this business that I felt I would rather be doing an actual 9-5, step out every day and do actual work, and then come back. I have gone ahead to even apply for jobs on some days. In the end, I am still here going through the motions and believing. I am a corporate guy. I have an affinity for emails, suits, ties, warm regards, etc. It excites me, and I sincerely want to experience it, if I get the opportunity, either by building it into my own business or getting that actual job and maybe just doing it for 6 months. For me, the travails of being a business owner are always looming. There are busy days, lazy days, and days I question my existence and relevance to both myself and the universe. I like activity – purposeful activity – hence I feel very uncomfortable when I am not doing anything. Why do I currently do what I do? I am not sure I know anymore. I believe many entrepreneurs have gone through this phase too. However, I am at the point where I want to prove my relevance to myself. I want to be sure I am not just existing, and inconsequential to the happenings of life.

Q. What two things do you think of the most each day and why?

  • Growth – I am really scared of not measuring up to my mates, of poverty and stagnant.
  • Relevance – I want to make a mark in peoples lives I don’t want to have just existed, I want to have touched lives so when I die in the next 80 years, people can have good testimonies about me.
  • Money – to make more and never lack while giving to people in need.
  • Love – I feel alone most times, I need a girlfriend in my life.
  • Sex – How I am not having it and wish to get married quickly so I can indulge without guilt
  • Family – current and future.
  • Heaven – How I try not to do the many different things I could be doing that seem normal but will cost me eternity, I can’t go to hell Biko.

Q. What is the best thing about what you do?

A. Sincerely, the best thing about it right now is delivering to the clients’ satisfaction and the consequent balance that comes. Of course, making great images satisfy me, and this was the best thing at some point but not now making great images also means the client would be satisfied.

Q. What do you appreciate about yourself and what would you like to change?

A. I appreciate my soft nature which makes me want to do good for people all the time. I also would like to change it, to be a little more strong-willed, not caring what people will say and a lot of other things.

Q. What have you accomplished so far that has made you proud?

A. A little while ago, I was in a virtual meeting with my staff. I looked at my computer screen and saw their names registered and I realized how blessed I was to have two individuals on my team. I am proud to have been able to build Wise Visuals by God’s grace from a one-person team to where it is now. I am proud and grateful for it.

Q. What was the last book you read and what can you say about it?

A. Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell. There is no successful person who didn’t have opportunities handed to them, in most cases they didn’t realize they were opportunities that would make them world-famous. However, they still made the best out of the opportunities that were presented to them, putting in the time and work needed to be great at what they did, clocking their 10,000 hours of work to be excellent. In light of this, I figure that everyone is presented with a series of opportunities in their lifetime, we are tasked to view each season as an opportunity and make the best of it. Achieving expertise at something requires you to have put in much time work approximately 10,000 hours, which the successful people we know put in both voluntarily and involuntarily as a result of the opportunities they were presented with. If this is true which does make sense, then intentional practice over time helps the mastery of and success at one’s craft.

Q. What do you feel is the difference between living and existing?

A. The major difference is impact and self-satisfaction. When you live, you affect lives, small and big and you are happy and self-satisfied doing that.

Over time, the reasons for being in business have grown from money-making and now emotional and core business principles. At some point, I just wanted to make money, other times I just wanted to be happy. There was a period it was powered by how people felt when they got served by my business. Now all of those things have faded, and I am more interested in building a business that solves clients’ problems while meeting the needs of the individuals offering the service

Amechi Tobenna on Thursday Talk Series

Q. What is that thing that you see as an obstacle which can stop you from having success?

A. Inconsistency. I find that I can start things and most times I don’t know how to finish or sustain them. Knowing this is a challenge, has also posed an inhibition to start for me, because I don’t want to start and not finish.

Q. If like a movie your life up to this point is played for you to watch, describe how you’d feel about it?

A. I’d feel how I am feeling now, unsatisfied and some level of regret. Grateful for the wins and optimism and faith for a better ending.


Thank you so much Tobenna for the interview and I hope you find what gives you satisfaction. And thank you everyone for sticking around. Have a blissful Thursday.

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Currently Reading

“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.”

Steve Jobs

Currently Reading

Frank Herbert’s sixth book - Heretics of Dune
I am so proud of myself for getting to book 6

The Last Days Of Fall

Rigozo

Happy October guys!

So, I wrote a poem for the first time in many months and want to share it with you. Yet again I am looking forward to this month, and grateful to have had an awesome start. I pray October stays kind to me and to you.

Okay, enjoy the poem, bye.✌️🏾

Under dark skies 
City lights sparkle like stars
But soon the sun will come
To chase away wispy dreams

Of magic and spells
Conjurings and potions
Of wizards and witches
And freshly mown grass

Deep in dungeons
Ancient powers stir
Waiting to be awakened
On the day of the dead

To walk among the living
And feel life throbbing
Blood hot and red
Awakens sinful pleasures

These are the last days of fall
For soon winter comes
Bringing endless night
And warmth will be no more

I’ve more images to add to my gallery😁❤️

Continue reading “The Last Days Of Fall”

Thursday Talk Series| Idowu As A Living Oracle

Rigozo

Holla! Have you listened to Ed Sheeran – Shivers? You should do – like right now – I don’t mean now, but after you’ve read today’s Thursday Talk Series you can skedaddle outta here and go listen to Eddie’s latest song if pop is your kind of jam. All week I had it on repeat. The first time I listened to the song I started dancing even though I’m a tragic dancer. I hope I’m never asked to dance to save my life because it would be my obituary. Yes, that bad. But Ed’s Shivers is that good.

Standing on non-existing protocols, I’d like to introduce Idowu Adeyemi, The Oracle (it’s a fact that I always hear a thunderous cheer anytime he’s introduced). If Orishás (traditional Yoruba spirits) walked the earth, it is safe to say that Idowu is an ancient spirit trapped in a human body, but still offering service to humankind. His personality shines through in all of his affairs, and the work that he puts into the things he’s passionate about places him above his peers (notice I didn’t say he puts passion into his work). He’s also one of the best people that I have been privileged to know. He’s a dreamer by nature, a lawyer by profession, and an Orator by might. I believe the world is waiting to know a man like Idowu, and soon they’ll get to meet him. When he’s not busy with legal matters, he reads (African literature is his favorite), cooks, listens to music, take short walks, and engages in lively discussions (from how to develop the reading culture of Young Africans to the which housemate was evicted on BBN).

Trivia about Idowu

He loved to watch Bollywood😂😂😭❤️

Q. Can you introduce yourself and what you do?

A. My name is Idowu Olamilekan Adeyemi but my friends and fans like to call me “The Oracle.” Not that I truly believe that I’m one but it has a nice ring to it, so I stick to it. I am a Lawyer with my practice areas including Intellectual Property Law, Corporate and Commercial Practice, Legal drafting, Research and Writing. So, if you are ever in need of my services, don’t hesitate to reach out. I am also trying to get a Communication Consulting Company off the ground and I am optimistic it will turn out great pretty soon.

Idowu Adeyemi after Law School
Idowu Olamilekan Adeyemi

Q. Why do you do your job, and would you rather do something else?

A. I have to say that I am not one of those privileged people who have the incredible gift of knowing what exactly they want to do with their lives from an early stage. I was a commercial student throughout my secondary school but then I stumbled on law when I was going to write my o’ levels exam and it felt like the right thing to do because it aligned with my natural abilities but then I got to the University and it felt like a total disaster. It took me another year after law school to fall in love with this profession. So, I practice law because I finally believe that this where I am meant to be and I am good at it and it does align with a major part of my personality not to mention the fact that money doesn’t hurt too. As far as doing something else goes, I won’t. I will rather complement my law practice with other creative endeavors that I am certain I have abilities for.

Q. When have you felt like giving up?

A. Good gracious! That has been too many times already. In fact, it use to be everyday. Being a person with disability and living in an unstructured society like Nigeria is a double jeopardy to say the least. And a specific instance of such frustration will be when a prospective employer hinted at my disability as the reason for not getting the job. This had happened more than once but this particular day, I went back home depressed and I was sure I was never going to try again. But after hunger waya my head for a couple of days, I needed no extra motivation. Lol. I figured if the society is not going to give me a space, I can either take it or create one for myself and that is what I have been doing since that time.

Idowu living in the moment at sunrise

Q. What two things do you think of the most each day and why?

A. I think about self and professional development. I want to be the best at whatever I do. My career and future mean a lot to me and I am always thinking about how many positive steps I have taken each day to get closer to it. I think about family too. A lot, but that is a story for another day. Lol.

Q. What have you accomplished so far that has made you proud?

A. Honestly, I have a lot of things to be grateful for. But what I am proud of the most is the fact that I am able to attain independence. My worst fear growing up use to be that I will forever be dependent as a person with disability. It hunted me so bad that I use to cry in my private space but today, e no too hard to drink small garri and groundnut daily. Lol.

The Oracle having a good time
Photo credit: Rigozo

Q. If money was not relevant, what would you do all day?

A. I will sit with peers and engage in interesting and intelligent conversations all day. I will sit with old people and listen to stories about the past and learn more about our various cultures and languages. I will spend more time trying to understand the dynamics and the diversity of humanity. I sure as hell will travel a lot and explore the world beyond my immediate reality and environment.

Q. What kind of people do you allow in your circle?

A. All kinds of people. Everyone is welcome, as long as you are kind, empathetic and you can show and appreciate love. Tribe, race, religion, class and other basis of discrimination do not apply in my relationships.

Q. Do you consider that people are basically good or bad?

A. I think we are both and I think we are more than that. Humanity is complex, it will be cheap oversimplification to say we are either just good or bad. The part of us that we exhibit however is dependent on various factors; like the part of us we have nurtured the most, socialization process, level of knowledge and exposure, how complex the dilemma we are presented with is at the point of making each decision and a lot more. We can only try to do the right thing but we have to admit that we will not always get it right and that’s okay.

Idowu ‘The Oracle’ in Ibadan

It took me another year after law school to fall in love with this profession. So, I practice law because I finally believe that this where I am meant to be and I am good at it and it does align with a major part of my personality not to mention the fact that money doesn’t hurt too. As far as doing something else goes, I won’t. I will rather compliment my law practice with other creative endeavors that I am certain I have abilities for.

Idowu Adeyemi, ‘The Oracle’ on Thursday Talk Series.

Q. What is your biggest complaint about this country?

A. It’s the lack of a system for me. You cannot single out a sector in Nigeria where things are working the way they should. Everyone just dey freestyle and living each day as it comes. It’s pathetic!

Q. What is the one thing you think that should be taught in school about choosing a career that isn’t?

A. Actually, for me, it’s two things. First, it’s okay to figure out your career path much later after school. It doesn’t mean you are a loser or irresponsible or dumb. It only means you are yet to find yourself and that can take a lot of time for some people and it’s absolutely alright. Just don’t give up on yourself. Whenever you wake up is your morning. All you need do, no matter how long it takes is ensure that you wake up. Second, do not underestimate the power of social capital. Great people in your circle are worth infinitely more than money. So, build relationships and don’t burn bridges. When you finally wake up, those people will be there to say good morning to you and help you get off to a beautiful day ahead.


Thank you so much, Idowu for the interview and I wish you all the best. Remember that your dreams are as great as you envision them to be and it’s only a matter of time. And to everyone still reading thank you so much. Also, you can like, comment and share. Have a lovely Thursday.

Below is a little something I wrote for Idowu a while back, hope you enjoy it.

The Oracle,

When they started calling you ‘The Oracle’ back in school, I teased you at every given opportunity. Well, that was my job description as your friend and sometimes tormentor. I tried my best to be at all of your competitions anyway. 

In a packed lecture hall, when it was your turn to speak, I could sink my teeth into the tension in the air. Maybe I didn’t hear all that you said, and that was the least reason why I was there anyway. The main reason was to watch people as they listened to you. 

To see a mass of bodies lean a little further, hold their breaths, and scream as one at the words you said, was euphoric. That you held sway over the emotions and the actions of people was in itself a form of power. And that was when I realized that you may not be a deity, but you were at those moments the most powerful person in the room. 

Dedicated to Idowu Adeyemi.

How I would like to spend my weekend😭

On Getting Better For Myself

Hey guys! I hope you all had a great time and are looking forward to the rest of the month. Well, I have been busy, and it seems like it will be the same until the end of the year – no breaks for me.

It’s has been a bit crazy, and I’m surprised that I haven’t lost my head completely. Hands down I get the best support from the awesome people around me who genuinely care about my physical and mental health. They are the reason I’m able to stay sane and keep pushing. Also, I’m doing the things I care about and it helps me go to work with a lot of positive energy and produce better results.

I should mention that I often think about becoming a better version of myself, lot, and all the ways that it can be achieved. Also, how I struggle to understand and appreciate myself every day and try to do the right things that are right for me. This has helped me to push away people and habits that are toxic and irrelevant to my growth.

Now, it hasn’t been easy, and I would like to share with you those things I have been struggling with the past couple of months and have acknowledged.

Having Anxiety and Stress

I won’t call myself a perfectionist – that’s too high a bar to set for myself. When I start something, I set my mind to do my best. Nonetheless, I’ll say that I struggle to manage situations when they get out of my control because I like to have a firm grasp of things, and do my best to avoid surprises. If things don’t go as planned I start to freak out, get anxious and overwhelmed, and shocks will go through my body. Always, as long as I have to get work done and something messes with my schedule unexpectedly, I just have to breathe to stabilize. Stress gives me legit headaches. My brain, my heart, they just can’t deal with all of that. People’s intentions are great but I prefer to be far away from whatever affects me negatively.

Lack of Organizational Skills

A big shout-out to people who are organized and can work with daily planners to stay productive. The only reason why I’m so inconsistent with blogging I have several things I have to do but I just can’t manage my time well. If I’m being honest I let myself get distracted by a lot of things when I should be productive. I set tasks in my calendar to do for the week and I barely meet up. I feel like my life would be a lot better if I were more organized.

Taking Care Of Myself

I think y’all are beginning to understand how much of a mess I can be and believe me when I say day-to-day. So, I love to take care of myself, but I only do the basics (read the part about anxiety and stress above). Anything that requires me to do extra beyond washing and moisturizing my body, I see as a lot of work. My skin however has been surviving despite my negligence. But for how long? A few days back, I realized that my hair was damaged and my hair loss scared me. I realized after checking for help that stress and too much tension while manipulating myself were the culprits. Now hair breakage is normal, but when you shed hair a lot, that’s scary. So yeah, my hair is unhealthy and I have to fix it or lose it. Of course, I freaked out, but that’s nothing new.

Presently, I’m not entirely happy with myself, but neither am going to throw myself out in the trash. I know I’m getting no worksheet that helps me magically work this out because getting better takes a lot of hard work and commitment. My friend told me that there would always be things that are out of our control, but some things we can control, like reading books, eating well, taking care of our body and hair, making a work schedule, and sticking with it, exercise, or do yoga, and so on. To become better is therefore personal decision to do all that I can take that’s within my capability. Do my best and leave the rest they say.

This reminds me, I’m aware that I haven’t written a story or a poem in a very long time, instead, all the writings I do these days are work-related and I haven’t done photography as much. That is why I will like to take another route from here on out, starting from this post. I’ll be coming in here to dump my thoughts. I don’t mean to pour out every impression or try to bemoan my existence. Lol. I’ll just be sharing snippets of the things I do, books I’ve read, songs I’m jamming to, and how I get through life. Like doing reality checks now and again.

I hope you have a beautiful day. Try to be better for yourself, not for anybody – although people can inspire you. Make sure the conviction comes from you.

Sending love and light,

Until next time.

PS. I’ve started taking care of my hair. It would be a while before it gets better, and I’m looking forward to it.


Phone photography of a gas station
Shot with my phone and edited on snapseed
  • Left Behind
    The abandoned church stood like a man awaiting trial.
  • How To Live Like A Hero
    And the pressure keeps growing and growing and growing until you feel like you are moments away from exploding.
  • The Story of How I Met Mo-Isu
    The apparition introduced himself as Mo.
  • Saturdays Are For Weddings
    It is an unspoken rule that Saturdays are for weddings in Nigeria.
  • On How To Tell Stories Of Hope
    I didn’t think it was possible after all the time I spent wandering and searching for anybody who could understand me, or even see me.

Thursday Talk Series | Deep Conversations With Jiya

Rigozo

This is for anybody out there who is struggling to meet deadlines and is feeling overwhelmed by life in general. It’s not easy to work on so many projects at the same time without running the risk of neglecting one or two and then feeling like a total loser because of it. I have a lot going on right now guys and I am cutting really close to my deadlines and losing sleep. I have found that if not properly managed it affects my ability to focus and be creative. I try to tell myself that this too shall pass, and I’m working towards creating a more productive space for myself🤞🏾 I’ll share tips/tools that I’m currently utilizing to help step up my working game, but that will be another day.

Let me introduce Jiya, it’s really great to have him here. So Jiya gives off the first impression that he can be easily read but really he’s a lot like Rubik’s Cube, cool and complex. One moment you think you have him all figured out, and then wham! he reveals another side of himself that is totally unexpected. Jiya is also the one person to call if you need to keep the place alive with humor and terrific/deep conversations (obsessed with his voice and for a good reason; he sounds like raw honey and spice😌). He personal exudes self-awareness, and he’s introspective, intense, and very passionate


Q. Can you introduce yourself and what you do?

A. Sure! I’m Daniel Jiya Majin, but I mostly go by Jiya. I’m a Podcaster, Story Writer, and Singer. I love Anime, deep discussions, music, and women.

Daniel Jiya Majin

Q. Why do you do your job, and would you rather do something else?

A. I do my job because it’s what I can do with the least amount of stress for money. I don’t know if it’s fair to say I’d rather do something else. It’s more like I’d rather do a more polished and complete version of what I currently do, that makes more money.

Q. What’s your idea of real success and how can it be achieved?

A. Success to me is being able to live and thrive off doing the things you want to do. The things you really want to do. I want to have interesting and deep conversations with people. I want to write compelling and heart-felt stories that touch people. I want to stir hearts with my voice, If I can ever make a living from doing these things, I win. That’s a success.

Q. What do you appreciate about yourself and what would you like to change?

A. I appreciate that I’m not afraid to look inward to see what’s wrong. I appreciate that I have a kind heart even though I feel like it makes me weak. I appreciate that I’m somewhat intelligent. I appreciate my fantastic physical frame. I wish I could change my work ethic. I wish I could change my inability to handle failure properly. I wish I could change my emotional insecurities. I wish I was more driven and motivated.

Q. If you could, what’s the one thing you’d change about the world?

A. The lack of understanding between people. It’s crazy how many misunderstandings and a lack of connection set us back as a people.

Q. What do you perceive your biggest losses are, financially or people?

A. I actually think they’re more personal, but I’ll put down my desire to flog myself. Definitely financial. I’m actually blessed to still be surrounded by so many wonderful people.

Q. What kind of people do you allow into your circle?

A. People who show an interest in me, people who listen and think, and most importantly, people I like.

Q. If money was not relevant, what would you do all day?

A. Sing, play competitive video games, exercise, smoke weed with my friends, and talk about our experiences.

Q. What superpowers would you like to have and why?

A. Reading minds. Cuz control over the heart and mind is the ultimate power.

Jiya

Success to me is being able to live and thrive off doing the things you want to do. The things you really want to do….have interesting and deep conversations…write heart felt stories that touch people…stir hearts with my voice, If I can ever make a life from doing these things, I win. That’s success.

Q. What’s the one thing you think that should be taught in school about choosing a career that isn’t?

A. That it’s okay to figure out what you want as you go along. A lot of the time we get put in boxes yeah? Then we’re constantly told “think out of the box”. But they never teach you how.


Thank you Jiya for the interview and to everyone reading, hope you have a fabulous Thursday.

Follow Jiya

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Listen to Podcast

Rubik’s Cube
Photo credit: Pexel
A picture I took today
Currently reading
  • Left Behind
    The abandoned church stood like a man awaiting trial.
  • How To Live Like A Hero
    And the pressure keeps growing and growing and growing until you feel like you are moments away from exploding.
  • The Story of How I Met Mo-Isu
    The apparition introduced himself as Mo.
  • Saturdays Are For Weddings
    It is an unspoken rule that Saturdays are for weddings in Nigeria.
  • On How To Tell Stories Of Hope
    I didn’t think it was possible after all the time I spent wandering and searching for anybody who could understand me, or even see me.

Thursday Talk Series| Why I Love The Things I Do By Muyiwa

Rigozo

Yesterday I met two old friends and I really can’t describe the feeling. The first person I met gave me the feel warm like I get when I’m wearing my favorite hoody. The second person felt a lot like coming home after a very long trip. I rushed down the road for a hug and almost knocked down both of us in my excitement. I can truly say with my full chest that yesterday was a lovely day. They both made me realize that I’ve not just been existing. Over the years I’ve lived my life experiencing a myriad of wonderful and amazing people. Quite a number of them were featured on Thursday Talk Series, and it has been a pleasure. Even when the world presents itself as a terrible place, and the struggle is unending, just having good people in your life can make the difference between living and existing.

Glad to have Muyiwa here today🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾 and I need to let y’all know that he’s got the personality to make you want to never part with him. You’ll probably be daunted by his 6ft + height when you first meet (I’m 5.9 but I feel like a troll beside him) but he’s the proper gentleman and soon he’ll have you putty in his palms. Plus he gives the best hugs (like a human-size teddy bear). And his mind is a beautiful place, with a unique style of storytelling. What’s striking about Muyi is that he doesn’t put up appearances, and he takes you as you come and impresses on you that you are more than enough. He’s eager to learn as well as teach, talk and listen, laugh and cry, whatever it takes to make you feel appreciated – Mr Nice Guy has nothing on him.


Q. Can you introduce yourself and what you do?

A. My name is Are Victor Olumuyiwa, a perfect description of Christ’s love to man (I didn’t even have to cook this up sef) but that’s it sha. I’m a Nigerian, lol😄 I feel like I should stress that I’m proudly Nigerian. I love my country although her matter dey tire me sometimes, but I really love her. What do I do? I serve God for a living! Like that’s the most important thing that I do, and I get paid for it (you want to know how? You’re welcome to find out, it’s not that deep but it is😁). I’m also a freelance content writer, give me any topic Nwanne’m and I will serve you hot-hot. I’m also just starting to build a life from photography, so yeah I think we’re fine here.

Are Muyiwa wearing Traditional attire
Are Victor Olumuyiwa

Q. Why do you do your job? And would you rather do something else?

A. Mehn, I’ve tried a lot of stuff, I’ve done things but I’ve not felt this measure of peace, joy, and fulfillment that comes from these (the things I do). The fact that it has an impact on men is humbling and a joy to behold( KJV things). I’ve had people read my stuff and just love me, pure love please 😊 it’s beautiful. Would I rather do something else? I don’t know, something like what abeg?

Q. What is the best thing about what you do?

A. Its influence on people, a writer’s pen is such a powerful tool..look at famous writers from Chimamanda Adichie to John Grisham, Francine Rivers to Peter Abrahams, Myles Munroe to Brian Tracy.

Are Victor Olumuyiwa

Q. What do you feel you take for granted and how does it affect you?

A. In the past it used to be good health. I almost lost my life in 2019, and that experience shaped a lot of things for me. If you have noticed with men, na when you escape death once, you go just wise anyhow😄. You start to see things differently. Now it has to be rest. I think a lot of people take this for granted. When I don’t have enough rest, some part of my face starts to twitch, like my eyes, nose, and lips start to move involuntarily. It’s important to rest when you need to, if you don’t have enough rest when you should, one day you’ll be lying down on a hospital bed.

Q. Can you describe the person that knows you best?

A. I know myself best abeg😄😄. My family (it’s a large family), I think everyone is pretty much on the same level.

Are Victor Olumuyiwa

Q. What two things do you think of the most each day and why?

A. Easy something 😋 Number 1 (in Ghanian English), God’s love for me. I really like to dwell there for many reasons, one of which is that it fills me with so much love and grace to extend to the next person. Number two is God’s word. I love to meditate on the scriptures a lot. They get me excited, they have me saying ‘Glory to God’ one minute and ‘Woosh, praise God’ the next minute. They keep my mind sane, healthy, and with the right vibes. I’m very loud about my faith (with my full chest), as I am not a secret service agent for Christ.

Q. What do you appreciate about yourself and what would you like to change?

A. Well…I appreciate that there’s no end to what I’m capable of, lol. It’s hard to see me finish, laye. You think this is it, something new pops up. What would I like to change? My shoe size😭😍😭😭. I have a pair of black shoes, size 50. I’ve started wearing 49/48 though, but I get to pull it off sometimes so that blood can flow through the veins in my leg or else I’d have to go to the toilet to stretch my legs (no jokes) People with big legs don’t usually have fine shoes😓. Please join me in prayers – size 45 is the prayer request.

Are Victor Olumuyiwa

Q. Do you consider that people are basically bad or basically good?

A. I came into a world filled with complexes. I’d have loved to have the world in a monochrome filter though, because it’s peaceful, and life would have been easier to live I think. You are either white or black.

Q. Would you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert and why?

A. I’m a mix of both really, but more introverted. Okay, let’s just pick one. I love my space, and I enjoy it. I love my room a lot! And my room loves me too. I know how to have fun alone. Bored? How? But if the occasion demands that I be an extrovert, why not? I will play the role well. My brothers; Chyke and Sojay have done an exceptional job in getting that part of me out.

Mehn, I’ve tried alot of stuff, I’ve done things but I’ve not felt this measure of peace, joy and fulfillment that come from these (the things I do). The fact that it has impact on men is humbling and a joy to behold (KJV things). I’ve had people read my stuff and just love me, pure love please 😊 it’s beautiful.

Are Victor Olumuyiwa on Thursday Talk Series

Q. What would top your list as the craziest thing you’ve done in the name of love?

A. Mehn..craziest…hmm (thinking). Well, would you call writing an original poem – never before seen, not on the internet – every Saturday of the year, and 30 extra poems (originals too) on her birth month, crazy? If it is, then that has to be my craziest😁


Thank you so much Muyi for being here. You have been amazing all through the years and I wish you more grace❤️ And thanks to everyone for reading.

A picture I took last week
Burke Uzzle, ”Photography is a love affair with life.”
Love this quote

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    The apparition introduced himself as Mo.
  • Saturdays Are For Weddings
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  • On How To Tell Stories Of Hope
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The Hype About Self Reflection and Why It Is Important

Rigozo

Disclaimer: Self reflection is a good thing and necessary to elevate our lives, it can also be challenging and requires discipline.

I know it’s hard to find out something different from the visual and mental representation that we already have of ourselves. From my experience, once you embark on self-reflection, you either feel like a million bucks or like roadkill. You know how it is with having a crush, you get to know them and eventually you get crushed because they don’t look so iconic to you anymore. Yeah, that’s how getting to know yourself better can feel, however, it’s not always the case.

“The unexamined life is not worth living.”

Socrates

What Is Self Reflection

Self reflection is one of the ways in which we can learn certain things about ourselves that would help us change and improve our lives. When we self reflect, we take off the blinders and this allows us to see ourselves for who we truly are. When we are honest with ourselves, we are able to process our thoughts, learn from past mistakes and successes, and it gives us a fighting chance as we tackle the future. Another thing is that we are able to acknowledge our feelings instead of hiding behind them and this is a great way to progress.

Is Self Reflection Good Or Bad?

Self reflection can go both ways like I said earlier. When done in a constructive manner it brings about positive changes but if haphazardly done and focused only the negative aspects, it could cause a person to spiral down.

The brain is a survival mechanism constantly alert to our needs. Simi Rayat mentioned that if the brain receives signal that we feel threatened or out of our comfort zone, it is possible for our mind to deploy hacks and shortcuts to manage such situations. This will cause the brain to tell us lies that can mess with our decisions, thinking and interpretations.

Note: It is also important to try to understand where other people’s opinion of you are coming from in other to shield against the ones that have no benefits to you.

Why Self Reflect?

#For Growth and Understanding

“By three methods we may learn wisdom: First by reflection, which is the noblest; second by imitation, which is the easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.”

Confucius

Nobody that I know of has cracked the code 100% on how to elevate the way they see themselves, but a lot of positive changes can come through self reflection. This can go a long way to help you get clarity and find your purpose. It also inspires growth and a better understanding of who you are as a person. Always remember it is important that you don’t lose sight of who you are.

#Gets Rid of Insecurities

“Don’t become too preoccupied with what is happening around you, pay more attention to what is going on within you.”

Mary-Francis Winters

Perhaps you are in a low place and struggling with general anxiety, one of the best thing you can do for yourself is to self reflect. To fix a problem, it is important that you have to first know where it’s coming from and tackle it at the source unless it will persist.

#Improves Your Relationships

“Before I ask you to sit with me,

I must be able to sit with myself,

Before I ask you to accept my pain,

I have to accept the pain myself,

Before I ask you to love me,

I have to be madly in love with myself.”

C.Thoth

Many times we are the problem in our relationships and we are not aware of it, because how we see ourselves can be skewed and misinterpreted. We are only able to take the necessary steps towards self improvement when we become aware of our faults and flaws. Self reflection leads to self awareness, which leads to better relationships with our families, friends and colleagues.

#Promotes Self Acceptance

“Time spent in self reflection is never wasted, it is an intimate date with yourself.”

Paul TP Wong

When we are able to process our emotions and thoughts, we feel a greater connection to ourselves. It opens up our mind to several possibilities to explore those ideas that we have and channel them in a positive way. For example there are times I would repeat to myself, “I’m beautiful; I’m important; I’m not pathetic,” and so on. This happens a lot when I have intrusive thoughts that target my self confidence – pretty nasty stuff – and the only way for me is to channel positive energy to tackle them. I’m aware it makes all the difference to my physical and my mental health.

Start Reflecting

Ask yourself questions, especially the hard ones – you know those ones that makes you cringe or causes your chest to tighten . Be sure to reflect on your experiences; introspection is important and can help you track the things that you did, felt and thought at certain moments. You are going through your memories like a movie reel without editing parts of it. Don’t forget to take it easy on yourself, things that are not going right can be fixed with discipline and TLC (Tender, Love and Care).

I’m off to go do some self reflection (mehn things are about to get bloody up in here), wish me all the best.

Photo Credit: Rigozo

Articles on Self Reflection

Self Reflection 101: What is Self – Reflection? Why is Reflection Important? And How to Reflect?

Why Self-Reflection is Vital to Your Relationship

87 Self-Reflction Questions for Introspection

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    The apparition introduced himself as Mo.
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    It is an unspoken rule that Saturdays are for weddings in Nigeria.
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    I didn’t think it was possible after all the time I spent wandering and searching for anybody who could understand me, or even see me.

Thursday Talk Series on Enosedeba – The Storyteller

Rigozo

Hey everyone, I’m glad to have you here. My week was great. Yay! I know right, August started for me like sunshine after a stormy night. The best thing about my week was when I realized how blessed it is to have people that love and care for me. Not long ago, on the 30th of July, the world celebrated, ‘International Friendship day,’ and I was once again reminded that my existence, though plagued with uncertainties, has been enriched by the people I associate with. I’d like to say a big thank you to my friends for all the support, and the kinds words, and for just being there. If I have been too involved with myself and neglecting my duties as a friend, feel free to call me out and I wish us more years of friendship and food (yes food…don’t ask me why; you can also call an old friend today and say Hi)😌

Okay, I have Enosedeba Ken with us today, and I feel I should give y’all a heads up…there’s quite a lot to take in. Now I like rehashing first meetings because they mostly leave a lasting impression on me. With Ken it was a virtual meeting, and people the word I’ll use is intense, think Yoda meets Rumi, and I know that sounds shady but that’s the honest truth. For me Ken embodies our uniqueness as humans, and also how we view the world as individuals. He signals at every turn that we are all connected and playing our parts in every corner of the globe. It’s in his message of Love (here’s another guy that sneaks the ‘L’ word into every conversation😂) and in the stories that he tells.


Q. Can you introduce yourself and what you do?

A. Hi Rigz, as I love to call you. My name is Enosedeba and I am a storyteller (Feels like an AA meeting introduction). I tell stories of what was, what is, and what will be, or as I like to put it, I tell stories of the end and the beginning of everything and nothing (I know it sounds like a lot). I use various mediums in telling stories; it could be poems, short stories, or films. Whichever the medium, my stories are grounded on four abstracts, time, love, death, and choice. I am currently compiling my writing into a body of work titled, “The End and Beginning of Everything and Nothing”, also working on my debut novel titled, “The Handmaiden.”

Enosedeba standing in front of the box office logo
Ken Enosedeba

Q. Why do you do your job, and would you rather do something else?

A. I believe I am blessed with one of the most important jobs in the world. In life, stories are everything. They are our roadmap lest we get lost, our memory lest we forget, and our light lest we fall – a man or a nation without vision sleeps with the army of the dead. We, therefore, find our answers to life in stories. Everything tells a story, and I seek to tell the story of everything. Now, why would I stop giving life to others, what could possibly be more fun than telling the story of time?

Q. Can you share the time when you were certain it was what you wanted to do?

A. Tbh, when I found myself – not I but myself – it was at the time that I discovered the world in me. I knew I had to tell the story of this spirit that lives in everyone and everything. I sought to unravel the mystery that is the “I Am”. Of course, I knew it was a journey, a marvel that never ends, yet I chose to ride this white horse from that moment.

Excerpt on Enosedeba’s story titled The Language of Love

Q. What do you feel is the difference between living and existing?

A. Love. The one that is without love is empty even when he has everything. It’s a story that time will always tell. Love is the source of life, it is the spirit that holds and connects everything. The one who has love has found hope, friendship, community, and family. One thrives in such harmony, for even when he has nothing, he has more than enough. I believe there’s a saying, “Everyone dies but not everyone lived.” Love is light, without it, there’s no color, just darkness.

Q. What two things do you think of the most each day and why?

A. Love and Time lol. Pretty much because I’m always working. My experience of reality is immersed in these because I seek to understand these abstracts more, so I could tell their stories better. I say, “In the beginning, time called forth for love and after the hero’s journey, time saw that love was good, so time rested, letting love rule in His stead.” I am on the hero’s journey, every living soul is.

Q. Can you describe the person that knows you best?

A. HaHaHa, I wouldn’t say there’s one person that knows me best. Though I’m quite simple, I am as complex as love, and I am constantly evolving. The ‘me’ you know is probably a reflection of yourself, and I believe humans are dynamic. Yea, there are depths to me I’m yet to find and I think it would be unfair to burden someone with the whole of me. I am hoping my wife would know me best though lol. The two are one, right?

Q. What superpowers would you like to have and why?

A. Hmm, Vision. The eye of the heart breaks through the matrix of reality and reaches to the source to know what truly is. When you know what is, you know what will be. For the man with vision is never defeated, ask Bran Stark.

Q. If you could, what’s the one thing you’d change about the world?

A. Our thought process. How we think, well, it all starts with a thought, and if I could align the thoughts of men with the source of life then the world will be better for it. Right now the world is on a journey that started from a point no longer remembered, and we are hoping one day it becomes a circle – a futile quest. So yeah, I believe we as spirit beings were sent to the world to make men remember that love is the only point that stands.

Q. What have you accomplished so far that has made you proud?

A. Oh I wrote a short film, lol. I’ve done a great many things but I’ve always wanted to make a film and I wrote one. It is currently in the production stage. I hope I get a review on your blog.

“Love is the source of life, it is the spirit that holds and connects everything. The one who has love has found hope, friendship, community and family. One thrives in such harmony, for even when he has nothing, he has more than enough.”

Ken Enosedeba on Thursday Talk Series.

Q. If like a movie your life up to this point is played for you to watch, describe how you’d feel about it?

A. Hahaha, omg, what a journey it has been. It’ll be nice to experience myself outside of my body. I think I’d be very attentive though, a story is being told, it is my story and it hasn’t ended yet. Sometimes a good reflection can give you keys to open doors in the present and future. We can’t rewrite the past but we can learn from it.


Thank you Ken for the interview and I wish you all the best with your book and film. To my readers thank you so much and just in case you haven’t heard this, have a beautiful Thursday.

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Glucose D or Cocaine | Danta’s Letters#2

Rigozo

Dear Ogonne!

Have you entered for a competition even though you knew the odds were against you? I have. A long time ago when I was in primary school I participated in a race – we were having practice for the school’s annual inter-house sports. As a kid I was bow legged; a small puppy could run between my legs with ease because they couldn’t come together without putting extra effort. I walked around with legs like parentheses, like a pregnant woman close to her due date. It wasn’t much of a problem when I wore the standard uniform which was a gown and a bucket hat, but because we wore t-shirts and shorts during practice, it was quite obvious that my knees repelled each other; as if there was a magical force field keeping them apart, – Thou shall not pass!

When I signed up for the race, I was jittery and my heart pounded in my chest. All around me different activities were going on. The kids were running wild and the teachers tried to keep things moving amidst the chaos. That day I wanted a price which was guaranteed as long as I participated, and that was what made me fight down my fear. After the race, I was so excited (even though I didn’t win), my cheeks were flushed, eyes wide and hands outstretched for my price. The teacher in charge of the race scooped snowy white glucose D powder into my palm. Even now I can remember the taste of it, a rush of sugar and melting ice. One of my most memorable childhood moments was getting high on glucose D and giving off the impression that I was consuming cocaine like in the movies.

My darling girl, what is that thing which you want and are willing to do all that you can to get? There’s this African proverb that says, ‘To try and to fail is not laziness.’ I want you to go after the things that you desire for yourself. You don’t what to live your life plagued with regrets because you didn’t try, no matter what the outcome may be. Do the best that you can and your reward will be sweet.

Love,

Danta

Here’s the one that was shared after the race.

Photo Credit: Pexels