Day 19 – Mood

Rigozo

I blamed my mood. Of late it has been all over the place, manifesting in fits and starts.

When all is said and done, you cannot return it – the past – if you so choose to go back, all that will be found is a vast wasteland. You’ll achieve naught but to stir memories that have long turned to dust. It will enter your eyes and burn like fire, until alas you weep streams of tears. It will block your vision, and leave you wandering lost in the wasteland.

All that you hear in such a place are echoes and the ravaged cries of dying dreams.

My mom, she came to my room and watched me. After a moment she said, ‘It won’t change a thing. Stop thinking. You’ll only hurt yourself. There’re some things you can’t change.’

I looked at her and wondered, ‘Why would thinking hurt me? Why should finding answers prove fatal?’

Why does the rainfall on our heads and the streams and rivers run over our feet?

I’m not the only one searching for answers. We are many that look for meaning in every dust mote and fluttering leaf.

It’s human nature. It’s man’s burden to always seek – for companionship, for power, for wealth, for love – for more.

Is ignorance truly bliss?

I read somewhere that innocence and ignorance stay side by side. Once you lose one, you lose the other. When you don’t know a thing then you can claim ignorance, and therefore your innocence remains. But knowledge brings death to ignorance and innocence is lost in its murky waters.

I asked the man why he walked slowly for miles under the scorching sun, he replied, ‘It’s just the time when everything is somehow. You can’t make sense of it. Don’t bother to ask why. What must you do to come out of it? Oh! Nothing. Absolutely nothing. You stay put until it passes. Sure…it’ll pass. I guess.’

I asked him, ‘Is it enough to just wait and do nothing. Why won’t you look for answers’?

‘Hush…No questions.’ He scolded.

I sulked like an errant child, ‘But I’ll always have questions.’

And he was silent.

Why did he not say anything? Was he mocking me? Have I truly lost my innocence by casting off my ignorance?

Then I remembered my mother’s words, ‘It won’t change a thing. Stop thinking. You’ll only hurt yourself. There’re some things you can’t change.’

#Day 19 of 30 days writing challenge – Not Enough Writers

Photo Credit: Pexels

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