‘Forget yesterday, don’t fret about tomorrow, and live for today.‘ About a year ago I wrote these words in my journal. Every now and then I wonder…
I am a recluse. Not a single adventurous bone can be found in my body.
I don’t like change, or anything strange. The most daring thing I have ever done in my life was to get eyebrow tattoos – permanent. As a dermatologist, I knew the risk, but deep down I was vain (I still have nightmares that I’m covered with tattoos and have a skin infection.)
Well, on that fateful day, a year ago when I penned down those words, I was taking a vacation for the first time in my adult life. Before the pandemic, this would have been impossible but life felt precious in those dark days during the lockdown.
With Covid travel restrictions scrapped in almost all of Europe, I was more than ready to embrace life – have an adventure. I carried out my research, followed every travel blog google recommended, and contacted several travel agencies.
Being a control freak, I took my vaccine shots months earlier, and my bags were packed long before I bought my flight tickets. No surprise – I knew my travel itinerary word for word.
Soon, I was on the next available flight on a month’s tour of Europe.
I arrived at my first stop – Braga, Portugal, wide-eyed and close to tears. It was a miracle that I made it.
One week later…
I had not left my hotel room.
Two weeks later…
I canceled my tour and returned home.
It broke my heart.
I had convinced myself that if I went on adventure thousands of miles away from home, I would be a different person. Like Emily in Paris. I thought I would be able to face my fears – I could finally learn to be free of anxiety and live life to the fullest. But I found out that my demons go wherever I go – no escape.
My name is Ebinita. I’m thirty-two years old, and I’m xenophobic…I’ve got doctors’ reports and medication to prove it.
My momma always says, ‘Ebinita dear, you are scared of your shadow.’
Today, I’m getting married to the love of my life – another adventure – and this time, I want it to last for a lifetime.